Day 119 blog

Today is a day I will never forget.

Four years ago today, I lost my dad. My hero. My protector. My best friend. My everything. He is the reason I am who I am today, and there isn’t a single day that goes by where I don’t feel the impact of his love and the life he built for us.

In 1994, he and my mom immigrated to the United States to start over and build a second business after the one he had in the Czech Republic. That kind of courage still amazes me. Leaving everything familiar behind to chase opportunity in a new country takes strength most people will never understand. It took him three years to make that business successful, but he did it. That was who he was. Determined. Focused. Unstoppable when he set his mind to something.

My dad was always my best friend. There was not a day we did not talk, except for the four years I was held captive, and those were the hardest years of his life. I know they were. Not being able to protect me broke him in ways I will never fully understand. But even then, his love never wavered.

He was one of the smartest people I have ever known. Friendly. Generous. A man with the biggest heart. There was never a day he did not do something kind for someone, usually multiple people. He gave without hesitation. He helped without expecting anything back. He lived with integrity and strength.

Four years ago, he was taken from me because of someone’s evil and selfish choices. I will not get into the details. The phone call I received that morning shattered my world. I can still remember exactly where I was. For a moment, I hoped it was a dream. I prayed I would wake up and hear his voice like I always did.

I believe with all my heart that he is in heaven cheering me on. I see signs all the time that remind me he is near. I feel his presence in moments where I need strength. But knowing that does not make it easier that I cannot pick up the phone and call him. It does not make it easier that I cannot hear him say he is proud of me.

Grief changes shape over time, but it never fully leaves. You just learn how to carry it.

If there is anything I can say today, it is this. Cherish the people you love. Do not go a day without telling them how much they mean to you. Make amends with the ones you have drifted from if it is possible. Do not let pride steal time from you. Time is not promised.

I miss you every day, Dad. And I hope I am making you proud.

Signed, Paulina.