Day 39 blog

It has been a journey, and I mean that in every sense. I’m naturally a positive person. I’m big on figuring things out, correcting my mindset, and taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings. When something feels off, I go inward. I process things privately and do not usually talk about them until I have worked through most of it. Outside of therapy, God, or my parents, I keep things inside because sharing too soon feels like complaining. I still do not know if that is a blessing or a curse.

What I do know is that I live a blessed life, and I never take that for granted. I came from four years of abuse and torture, and I was once the most unhealthy version of myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Because of that, gratitude comes naturally to me. I am deeply aware of how far I have come, and I never forget what I survived. But even with all that growth, sometimes when you live such a positive and outwardly blessed life, it can still be confusing when joy feels muted or life feels dull. It’s unsettling when the things that once lit you up stop hitting the same way.

For years I hustled nonstop. I built multimillion dollar businesses from home, pushed myself beyond exhaustion, and stayed glued to my phone. Every moment became content. It looked glamorous from the outside, but the truth is that anyone who is online that much is usually avoiding something internally. The line between sharing your life and neglecting your real life becomes thin very quickly.

Eventually the burnout hit. Hard. I had been working, selling a house, building another, launching a new business, and juggling too many things at once. When everything finally slowed down, the quiet hit me like a wave. I was no longer in survival mode or hustle mode. My nervous system finally relaxed, which was beautiful, but the stillness created space for emotions I had avoided for years. I had to sit with myself in a new way.

I had been living on three or four hours of sleep, constantly wired, constantly performing. Somewhere along the way I internalized the belief that if I wasn’t juggling five different things at once, I wasn’t accomplishing enough or being enough. It took a friend gently reminding me that I have been going nonstop for seven straight years for it to sink in. He told me it is time for me to embrace my soft girl era. Hearing that hit me harder than I expected because a part of me had been craving that softness but never felt like I deserved it.

Now life feels different. Slower, quieter, more intentional. I am learning to do things out of joy, not obligation. If something isn’t a full yes, then it’s a no for me. I don’t need to be everywhere or involved in everything. Peace suits me. Quiet suits me. And through all of it, I see God’s hand so clearly. Every pivot, every opportunity, every person, every change has been perfectly placed.

My biggest fear in life isn’t failure or the future. My fear is missing the mark on who God is calling me to be. I never want to reach the end of my life and feel like I held back or ignored my assignment. I want to help the women I’m meant to help, build what I’m meant to build, and live the life God designed for me.

So this month I’m taking time to reflect and align. I want 2026 to be intentional. I want to focus on how my life feels, not how it looks. If something doesn’t feel aligned or right, I want to shift, change direction, or let it go. We have the ability to course correct at any moment. One decision is all it takes.

My prayer for 2026 is simple. God, show me how good it can get. Lead me, guide me, and let me walk in obedience.

I want to spend my time wisely. I want to love deeply, pour into the people who pour into me, and use the gifts God gave me. Life is short, and I want to live my dash fully.

There is so much more I could say, especially about vanity, comparison, and the way social media affects self worth, especially in the fitness space. That is a conversation for another day. But for now, I am grateful for clarity, healing, growth, and the quiet that makes room for all of it.

Signed, Paulina.